Some of you would know my complete obsession and admiration for the television show, the Gilmore Girls. I quite literally want to be Lorelai Gilmore. It has always been odd how my grandmother and Emily Gilmore are so incredibly alike. I’m talking twins separated at birth. She has pulled many stunts similar to Emily Gilmore, and has the need to control everything all the time. But, also like Emily Gilmore, she does it because she cares. I hope.
Anyway, I didn’t realize how similar they were until she asked whether there was anything of hers that I would like when she dies. In fact, we had a conversation that resembles the one that Rory and Lorelai had with Emily. Although no one made reference to a Jewish comedian. And I had to bite my tongue to stop laughing at the coincidence. And yes, that took some explaining.
It’s something that I wonder about a lot. The point of living, I mean. Why should humans even exist on this planet? What is our purpose? How do we help to human race, and more importantly, how do we help everything that is beyond that? Why do we get up in the morning, live our lives? Get jobs have kids, whatever we do, why? Why is our life important? We live it, we die. What’s the point in that?
People who wonder these things, but decide that it is worth living, for whatever reason, are lucky. They can dismiss these thoughts and never question this with the same intensity again. Those that don’t, they are the not so lucky ones. And they aren’t okay with just livings without wondering why.
So why are some people okay with our existence, even though to many, it seems pointless. Is it because they have something to live for, or just assume that they are here now, better make the most of it until it is too late. Or do some people just not want to know, would rather live in ignorance because questioning things is dangerous, especially if there isn’t any answers.
What is the point of our existence anyway? I’m convinced that there isn’t an answer for that. Some people will help change the world, and our society. Some will work within our society, supplying it with things it needs to grow and succeed. And some people will will work against our society. But I think people live and exist for reasons that only they can discover themselves. It’s when you can’t discover that reason, that is when you are truly lost.
I am currently in my bed under my covers with my laptop computer Why? Because I can. Yes , it seemed like a better idea when I first thought of it and yes my leg is going to sleep and I can’t breath that well but it doesn’t matter, because I am warm and happy. And because I am having fun. Isn’t that the reason some people get up in the morning? Isn’t supposed to be what makes the world go around? Being happy, having fun, being warm, being loved. Aren’t they supposed to be important? But no, it’s about money and success and having the biggest car and house and looking younger than you did at the age that you want to look right now. Usually, being the cynic I am, I would agree that money and success are important. And they are. But not the most important. Not right now.
Wouldn’t it be just great if could cut the crap for just a minute, and acknowledge what is really important. Not many people do that often, because people judge others who think things like money can’t buy happiness, because it is a cliche, and because in a lot of ways money can buy happiness, so it isn’t entirety true. And so I’m not saying that we should all believe things like that, and be grateful for every moment we live, just because we are living it. I’m saying step outside of yourself. What do you really think? About things that go on in our world, anything, really. What is your opinion away from all the people that form your opinion for you? What is really important to you? Do the people that are important in you life know how important they are? Do they need to be reminded?
And so I’m blogging for bloggings sake. Because I can because it’s fun because it makes people think. For all the reasons I think I should be. For all the reasons I get up in the morning.
I’ve just told my grandmother that I want to spend time alone with my father. But not so I can have a nice chat, so that I can figure out whether he has a mental heath condition. Does that make me a bad person?
I lie, and am sometimes proud of it, I can use people, and mess them around. Does that make me a bad person?
Does the fact that my father spends time with me, and has his own agenda, and the fact that the people I lie and use, lie and use me, make it okay that I do it to them?
I am fiercely loyal, and try to do the best thing by the people that are truly important to me. Does that make me a good person?
I stick to my word, and I can see things from other people’s point of view. Does that make me a good person?
Is the fact that I try to do the right thing, even if I sometimes don’t make me a good person?
Does the fact that I do some some good things, and some bad make me a bad person? Does it make me a good person? Does it leave me in limbo?
What is a good person? What is a bad person? Who decides whether we are good or bad people? Our society? Us? Or both.
I cleaned the washing machine yesterday. Not exactly the way I imagined spending my weekend, but my weekends never turn out the way I want them to. It was a strangely satisfying experience. It was truly due for it, there was a lot of fabric softener and omo on it, and there was what I am guessing was mould in the part where you put the washing detergent in. Do normal people clean their washing machines? I would have taken before and after shots, but I’m not that organized. And you wouldn’t want to see it.
I’ve realized a lot of things, over the past few weeks. Which is good. I like realizing things, it makes me feel smart.
I’ve realized that everything happens for a reason,
and that nothing is nothing.
I’ve realized that life is hard, because we make it hard ,
and that life is sad, because it means we have been happy
I’ve realized that if you want something badly enough,
and if you work at something hard enough and long enough
You will get it, one way or another, and if you don’t, you didn’t
want it enough,
or that it wasn’t worth having in the first place